alright here goes. me and a buddy were out at the bar the other night and seen a girl who left town years ago during high school. smokin hot nice *** and all the works..well back in high school she was skin and bone no body, short boy hair cut. any how the school was having a talent show and this girl was up singing and my buddy who went to the bar with stood up and started barking really loud, everyone was laughin, she just stood there bout 10-15 seconds, dropped the mic, and started cryin. not to long after that she moved away. back to bein at the bar, we're talkin to her and i said shouldnt be tryin to kill him and she goes naw ive forgotten the past and hell they go off dancin and drinkin on the floor and he ended up leavin with her. just one of those odd things

 

one night in my youth, i got woken up from my mom and dad having a fight.
when your a little kid stuff like this is not too cool.
screaming and yelling turned in too a fist fight and my mom lost, and my drunk father went back out.
next morning little did i know a plan was in motion.
once a week my dad would pick up a case of beer on friday so he would have beer to drink all wekend long, back then no alcohol was sold on sunday period, from 12 midnight saturday night to 12 midnight sunday night no wine, beer or spirits of any kind.
we had this old meat grinder we used to make sausage.
mom went out and bought 3 or 4 pounds of fresh jalapeno peppers.
i was the muscel, i got to operate the hand crank on the grinder as momma feed it with peppers.
the grinder dumped out in to a bowl that was lined with a towel.
when i was done grinding she picked up the towel, held on to the ends and twisted it until all the juice stoped pouring out.
the beer that my dad drank did not have a steel cap, no twist tops back then.
it was a rubber stoper with an arm that pulled down and locked sealing the bottle.
one by one momma poured out the beer in the neck and filled it up with jalapeno juice.
after she was done we left and went to my grandma's house.
even thou i was in the kitchen eatting cookies i could hear mom tell grandma what happened.
grandma fixed up momma with a big sewing needel and some cord, when we got back home mom went out to the garage and cut the handel off of a shovel.
that night momma cooked the best dinner i can remember, but as usual by the time dad came home from work he already drank a few beers.
the scariest moment in my life was when my dad asked me to go and get him a beer.
i took my time walking back, trembling, shaking then mom walked up took it from me and told me to go to bed.
that next morning dad was at the table, black eye, busted noise, several big knots on his head, bruses all over his arms, when he got up from the table to go to work he moved awful slow.
momma told us that after daddy drank a few ice cold beers that went down like burning fire, he passed out in bed after throwing his guts up.
momma sewed up the sheet around him, grabed the shovel handel and went to town on his ***.
after that night, my dad never came home drunk, never took another beer from my mom, never laid a hand on my mom, and started sleeping in a diffrent room with a lock on the door.

 

Pappy......that my friend is flippin AWESOME!!! (not being a smart ***... it really is)

this happened in college
i played college baseball and my bartender roommate thoght he could hang with the baeball players, so he comes out with us and i told everyone to get him hammered.... and that they did. i didn't see him for a day and a half. came home from practice the next day and he was passed out on our neighbors steps with the front of his pants SOAKED.... smelled like pee.
so i wake him and get him upstairs. he starts takin his pants off and i look and hes got them off in his hands shuttin the door. (remind you he is still wasted and still talkin ****!) n e ways, shuts the door and i hear a loud boom.... like a dead body hittin the ground. i run and open the door to see him passed out with his face in his pants... that are filled with ****! it looked like 10lbs of **** in a 5lbs bag! so i took a pic of it and started a album of weird places that i could find him passed out!
Gave it to him in front of everyone at his wedding!!!!

 

Oh my you people have some awsome stories!!!

PappyDan that is a awsome way for a woman to teach a man not to hit. But the one with you sister.... I almost pissed my pants! If that only could be redone and put on tape.

 

my life is filled with such wonderful events.

 

have any other ones that funny?

 

yep i sure do.

lets turn the clock forward for a little bit.
when the summer was over it was back to school, new clothes, new teachers, whole new grade moving up from the big K to 1st.
as we got closer to hollween, the factory my dad worked in started to cut back on hours, making things a little tough around the house.
talking about tough at this time men got paid 2.50 an hour, gas was a dime, bread a nickel, and a dozen eggs cost almost nothing.
compaired to now with the way things cost i would say close to 475 to 500 a week to feed a family of 5 and pay bills.
momma went out job huntting and after a while she got a job working at k-mart,
so momma picked up the slack where daddys job back off.
with hollween comming on my teacher sent me home with a paper saying about how each kid needed to bring a large amount of cookies, cup cakes, something for a first grade event that i was apart of, you know snacks for the people to have like punch and cookies while we were up on stage doing our thing.
momma asked my sister to help me because she had to work and daddy was no help in the kitchen.
the only thing me sister knew how to make was brownies.
made out a list of stuff, gave it to my dad and he went to pick it all up.
while he was gone we made 2 batches with what we had, when he came back he and my brother ended up eatting one of the batches telling us how good we did.
still being a little sore about drinking pee over the summer, it was pay back time.
useing a double brolier to melt chocolat my sister added ex-lax, back then a box of ex-lax was 2 giant bars that look just like chocolat, about the size of six hersey bars today.
in every batch of brownies went coco powder, chocolat, sugar, butter, flour for about 12 batches of browines in all, and sure enough i was the only kid that brought brownies for the event.
with everything laid out on the tables, people showing up, food and punch being consumed, our teacher made a big long speach before we did our thing.
well during the speech of aberaham lincon and before our singing, the audiance was having a little bowel movement, a shift here and there, some holding their nose from the smell.
right when we started to sing came this big long loud rip'in fart.
being a bunch of little kids we couldn't help our selves but to laugh and the more we laughed the more everybody else started to laugh.
thats when it started, you see ex-lax is not a over night laxative, 30 minutes to an hour after eatting your gona ****, some made it to the restroom, others were not so lucky waitting in line, a few grabed their kid and thought they would make it home in time, no it didn't happen.
people were upset, some talked food posioning, but the real anger did not come out until the restroom ran out of tolit paper.
this was a sight to see, about 150 people having the ***** all at the same time.
their was **** every where, i had no idea of what my sister did but every body in the audence was feeling her wrath.
come monday morning they figured out what was the cause, in the history of that school i was the only first grader that was threatened to be kicked out.
both my mom and dad took an *** eatting from the princable while trying to keep me in school.
when my parents got home my sister cought hell, thats another chapter of my life.

 

oh man that is freakin amazing!! i seriously laughed out loud a lot at that one hhahahahaah

 

rotflmfao!!!!!! hahahahaha thats good **** pappy!!! i was actually laughin out loud in my class room.

Here goes one from the college chapter ( got alot of stories from then)

The baseball team all went out for Mardi Gras and my stupid bartender room mate wanted to go, so along he came. when go to like 3 or 4 different bars gettin completely trashed and decide to head home.
well, another guy from the team that hangs out at the apartment alot came over for more drinkin.... and my roommate HATES this guy.
The friend just got his truck back from gettin the front end fix so my room mate decides to "prank" him while he's nappin.
He climbs on this truck and starts to **** in the ac vents and turns to jump off the hood (not a good thing to do drunk) slips and falls, hits his head on the finder and lands flat on his back with pee all over him. He fell into a unconcious state so we decided to leave him in the parkin lot.
we wake up the next morning and he is NOT there. we look in his room and not there either. then we heard a "sloshing" noise come from the bath room. look in and the shower curtain is closed, so i stand on the toilet and look over and he is neck deep in water.....passed out. Got the camera and took a pic for the album.
come his wedding day, when i gave him the book, the pic was missing.
His mom blew it up to a 4 foot by 5 foot pic and put it on his Grooms table!!!!

 

These stories are frikin awsome!!!!